Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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