Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
