I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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