she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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