There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
