just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
