Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize