so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
