i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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