I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
