Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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