I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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