and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
