winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
