69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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