im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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