Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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