I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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