Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize