$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize