After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
