Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
thus making me awesome and them whores
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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