i just had sex bonerless
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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