I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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