Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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