I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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