I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
