I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
