So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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