I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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