i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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