Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
