i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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