I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
