my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
