either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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