watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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