Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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