it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
