I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
