my mouth tastes like poor choices
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
