I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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