I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
