im six kinds of drunk right now
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
