Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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