I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
