coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
