I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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