There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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