Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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