We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just want nice things and good sex
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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