we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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