Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
