come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I supernannyed him into submission
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
