She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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