I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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