I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
