I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
