i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
