I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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