Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize