i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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