We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
