You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
